I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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