i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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