we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
