this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
