so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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