haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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