She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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