you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
