so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
