He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
