I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
