This is not my ceiling
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
