Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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