My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
