Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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