I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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