5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
