why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
