Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
