I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
