She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
