if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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