To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
