I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
