I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
