The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Why is there bacon in the couch?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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