I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
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