fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
