I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
