The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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