So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
