I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
