i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
