My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
