first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
