You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
