he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
