I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
