I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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