Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
