dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
