Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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