God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
