Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
