When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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