Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
