just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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