I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
