Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
