I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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