Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
