so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
