It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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