@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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