If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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