i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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