My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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