my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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