Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
