i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
